LadyChibiRuki

omg last entry was in february lmao

well... Hi!

I'm back! I think... lol

I'll probably upload more things just because I'm bored so when I'm bored I draw stupid things.

I'm also ok in case someone care or is wondering.

For a while I want to do something like this... Writing about this. But I always thought I shouldn't. First because lol no one asked and second because no one would read it and care anyway.

I could do it in a blog but I don't have any. I could write on tumblr but there's too perfect now to ruin things with text posts.
So DA is kinda of perfect. 'Cause no one reads it and I can still write and is here and... idk.


What I'll write will probably sound pretty stupid (I thought so while writing it but anyway) ~

Here's what I need to say: I wish people knew sometimes.

It would make things easier... I mean, why I behave myself the way I do. Like... People praise me for something and I don't know what to do. I say thanks but I don't really feel/understand it. And people think I'm being modest and blah but really, I CAN'T understand those things. My brain doesn't work properly... It's nothing serious but I don't have the emotional return. I don't understand feelings like other people. Like, people say they like me but that's not what I feel. Or people say just... something, but what I understand is different.
I can't explain it right but yeah...
Because of it my self-esteem is extremely low and I can't really trust/believe people when it's about me and I just hate myself.

"You are cute" No I'm not.
"You sing well" No I don't.
"I like you" No you don't.

I just want to be usefull. I'm not being modest (altough I actually am idk. it's in a point in wich there's no difference). I like people. I do like a lot of people. And I like them a lot.

Now I'm taking medication for it and depression. It is getting better slowly I think. I've stoped college and classes that made me stressed. I did stupid things and altough I know they were stupid I still think about doing them.

I disappeared from almost all internet places. Forums, social networks, etc... 'Cause I never felt I should be there. I really don't think people care. Also since I'm always ignored I saw that I don't make any difference. Prove is that everything is gone... There aren't connections now. I do stay on tumblr a lot 'cause I love it and I've met some really awesome people there ~

That's probably the explanation for a lot of things when I was a kid... But that's just too random.
And also lead me to this stage where I don't have a clue of what to do with my life.

I do feel lonely sometimes and that's probably the reason... I will never believe someone cares about me or like me.
I do admit that I can understand things using the reason... But reason is so far from what I feel sometimes.


Writing this made me thing that this doesn't matter. Why I left the forums and fandoms. Why I've disappeared from almost everyone's lifes. It doesnt matter 'cause no one cared in the first place.

Sorry for writing much altough I don't think this is of anyone's interest. xp
:3

Since last year I've been making some things using masking tape... And I finally decided to show some of them here. It's a risk, I know... But I already displayed them on tumblr and a blog and... well. Yeah.


It's been a while since I don't show up arround here... ~ Waaa time, where are you?!?! ~


Anyway... That's it.  XD  I'll try to apear once in a while ... ~

:3

Happy New Year everyone!!!~

It's been a while since I last posted anything here =.=  I guess D.A is not thaaaaat *0* anymore (?) -w
xp Well... I've been busy. And. hm. yeah. I have a looot of things to say but no one cares anyway... ~ xp

So, Happy New Year!!! ~ n.n


:3